it takes a lot to love and let love. a person may usually think that they are the only one taking a risk when it comes to love, but as they say, it takes two. let me assure you that I have let you win me over completely long ago, which to me is one of the biggest risks of all, but I did so without question in the end; in observation of all said and done, and for such reasons only assumed you had done the same for me.
That is why it only makes things harder for me when out of nowhere, and at what I thought was the height of our relationship, you try to push me away in predicting a future unknown.
I was yes, upset, in learning of such fear on your part because as stated, everything you have ever said or done has suggested otherwise. every kiss, embrace, unexpected meeting, inquiry and promise, hell, even at the most boring of times in class, there is love there. I know there is, and you know it too, and in noting this, I am a resilient bastard and am sticking to it.
Do you not realize that it is scary for everyone? to leave yourself vulnerable to the unknown? especially when completely in love with another? Yes, it is scary, and yes, we do not ever really know what will come of the days to follow, but why should we let such pondering keep us from being as happy as we are now?
My mother had explained this all to me once in similarly being upset but instead over minor letdowns. in deciding as most young people do to take the "never again" approach, I was told that I would get nowhere fast without trying, in being afraid to take risks due to the possibility of failure. everyone needs to take those chances, and run the risk of failure, because as she said, "maybe, just maybe, at some point you will come to do things right."
Not everything in life is automatic failure, and believe me, most times for people like us with our kind of luck, it may seem to be that way considering the difficult times we have faced before in our own separate pasts. take this into account though, to have such a positive outlook on us and all that we share, coming from someone usually as cynical as I can be, let's just say I have put all my chips in this time which is something I have never let happen before. I am that confident in us, and I know you are too, but still sometimes I know you can worry. so please, don’t give up on me now.
Not all relationships are lies, and excuses for someone to have a person to hold and make them feel less lonely when they come home at night. I spent the majority of my life in solitude from even my own family. I need no one to find reasons to live and enjoy all that life has to offer. I have always had plans for myself and my future regardless. I too spent the majority of my life amidst such false relationships and for this reason similarly shunned relationships for being so. I never in a million years sincerely believed I would let myself be close to anyone, let alone as close as I have let myself come to be with you. We share a similar understanding on this and more, so why then would you think otherwise of me?
I would like to believe that this time we may have started something great, or as my mom would say, are at that point when things can be right.
as I told you that night, anytime I hug, hold, am near, or even speak with another, I see myself as emoting all that I feel for that person directly to them. you know and feel all the love I have for you. I know you do. believe it or not, I sense the same of you, and know you feel all that love for me too. these are among the few things that we cannot hide. so please, do not be afraid of such things when I had abandoned the oldest and most similar of fears so long ago.
I will always be here for you.
don't give up on me now.